You know what really grinds my gears...no this isn't like the episode of "Family Guy" where Peter goes off on these rants about what irritates me, but more of my own quirks.
The major thing that can truly get me going is the emphasis of parenting roles and responsibilities. As a mother I am by nature (allegedly) suppose to be all-nurturing of my offspring incapable of being the disciplinarian when the time presents itself. And, the father is suppose to be emotionally incapable of creating a stable emotional and nurturing bond with said offspring.
Am I the only one who sees this as a problem here? Why can't each parent be equally involved in all aspects of the child's developmental process? Who the heck said, "Hey this is the status quot and dammit I like it!" A mother if need be can provide both the emotional and disciplinary elements, but a father cannot be nurturing...WTH!
There is a certain respect I can hold for a man who has managed to maintain a sane sense of what parenting is suppose to be. A man that can be self-sufficient enough to care about the emotional state of their child's and put himself into motion into getting things done. A man that knows their has to be a checks and balances system to raise a healthy, whole-bodied child.
Parenting, is a dual-role is a job that's never done no matter how old the child may be. Sometimes it becomes a singular role with the loss of one parent. How must a child feel when Mommy provides all their emotional needs is no longer available and Dad never quite grasped the concept of what "compassion" is suppose to mean. Or when a child loses their father, is discipline suppose to stop at that point? Are they never to be corrected because the person who held the disciplinary torch has passed on?
My whole gripe with this situation is, at any moment we can lose the parent to a child. It happens everyday. And everyday families are left with de-funct ways to cope and deal with not only their major loss and heartbreak, but the balance that once was in the household.
I encourage my friends and family alike to share those roles. Don't let the other parent off so easily, try to learn some of their parenting techiniques. That way if you are unfortunate to lose the other parent, you can always go "Well, I did as best as I could. I seen your ... do this so I tried to follow in their footsteps."
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
O.W.T.O.I.W.T.N.
We’ve all heard it before, you know the saying that has been around since time began…out with the old- in with the new. And for the longest it really didn’t have a significant meaning for me. I have managed to hoard all of my report cards, academic achievements, some toys from my childhood and my sons, pictures, friends, and whatever else I deemed to have sentimental value over the past 26 or so years. I literally didn’t want to let so many things go, but when you are forced to relinquish these things, life takes on a whole new meaning.
Perfect example: I just got out of a 6 year relationship that quite honestly wasn't healthy in retrospect. I was hell bent on making this man the one for me when in all actuality, he wasn't. I was so determined to not be a “baby mama” and raise my child with both of his parents that I didn’t see what I was becoming. I had lost a lot of the joy and essence about myself and found myself in a truly unhappy place. And I was truly giving my all to someone unworthy of it. So I ultimately had to make a decision about where I wanted to be in my life and I chose alone. I was sent on a whirlwind of emotions from enraged, to mad as hell, to eventually saying forget it.
And in the process of all this madness and confusion I found a true friend. A man who wasn’t looking at me as some vulnerable woman who he could use at his discretion and throw me away as trash, but a man with integrity and a true respect for women. We started off as friends back in April and we’ve developed a wonderful foundation that I honestly only would have left as friendship foundation if I would have stayed in my prior relationship. He’s been my boyfriend a little over a month now. I have absolutely never been happier in my life. A friend of mine seen us together recently and she mentioned that I was absolutely glowing. She had never seen me so happy before and I have known her almost 3 years. That’s a testament to the dark space that I once occupied.
I thought about going back to my previous relationship during the break-up, but why? I wouldn’t gain anything from it. It would be the same routine and unhappiness that was there. It was my comfort zone, the only way I seen me staying close to my child more so anything or anyone less. But, I chose the new, not because it was new, not because I was in a rush to be in a new relationship, but because for once my head isn’t the leader in this matter. I followed my heart.
I could have found anyone on this planet, but no one gives me the feelings that I have with him. The same respect and admiration I have for him is given in return, consistently. With him I am not afraid, confused, or let down. It is pure unadulterated happiness.
So trust me when I say, that saying “Out with the Old- In with the New” has a meaning. I found mine and hope you all find yours too.
P.S.
Just because you split from the father of your child, regardless of marital status, you are not a baby mama, you are the mother of a child(ren)and that is a title no one can ever take away from you.
Perfect example: I just got out of a 6 year relationship that quite honestly wasn't healthy in retrospect. I was hell bent on making this man the one for me when in all actuality, he wasn't. I was so determined to not be a “baby mama” and raise my child with both of his parents that I didn’t see what I was becoming. I had lost a lot of the joy and essence about myself and found myself in a truly unhappy place. And I was truly giving my all to someone unworthy of it. So I ultimately had to make a decision about where I wanted to be in my life and I chose alone. I was sent on a whirlwind of emotions from enraged, to mad as hell, to eventually saying forget it.
And in the process of all this madness and confusion I found a true friend. A man who wasn’t looking at me as some vulnerable woman who he could use at his discretion and throw me away as trash, but a man with integrity and a true respect for women. We started off as friends back in April and we’ve developed a wonderful foundation that I honestly only would have left as friendship foundation if I would have stayed in my prior relationship. He’s been my boyfriend a little over a month now. I have absolutely never been happier in my life. A friend of mine seen us together recently and she mentioned that I was absolutely glowing. She had never seen me so happy before and I have known her almost 3 years. That’s a testament to the dark space that I once occupied.
I thought about going back to my previous relationship during the break-up, but why? I wouldn’t gain anything from it. It would be the same routine and unhappiness that was there. It was my comfort zone, the only way I seen me staying close to my child more so anything or anyone less. But, I chose the new, not because it was new, not because I was in a rush to be in a new relationship, but because for once my head isn’t the leader in this matter. I followed my heart.
I could have found anyone on this planet, but no one gives me the feelings that I have with him. The same respect and admiration I have for him is given in return, consistently. With him I am not afraid, confused, or let down. It is pure unadulterated happiness.
So trust me when I say, that saying “Out with the Old- In with the New” has a meaning. I found mine and hope you all find yours too.
P.S.
Just because you split from the father of your child, regardless of marital status, you are not a baby mama, you are the mother of a child(ren)and that is a title no one can ever take away from you.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Where The Heck Have I Been?
Sorry, I disappeared for damn near 2 years. Quite honestly I didn't want to blog about anything, let alone share it. But, now I am back and with the support of an uber awesome boyfriend and great friends I am hopping back into the blogosphere to share my opinions again.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
My Business
Okay, all too often I hear people talking about their "business," people all in their "business,” and people telling their "business." But what exactly constitutes your business? Please explain that to me.
For instance, if you and I do something, anything together, be it discussing sexual history or things we want to try, isn't this just as much of my business as it is yours? Or does this only apply to those in relationships? If it only applies to those in relationships is there some sacred code in place that says I shouldn’t discuss the issues of you and me?
There is something I just don’t understand about the whole concept. Now I don’t condone just walking around telling people things that you have heard or may know just because. Some things happen in private that should only EVER be shared between the two of you. There is a certain level of understanding in that fact. However, things that affect me, affect me and I have all the right to discuss them with whom I please (in a tactful way of course, no names given). Now on one hand I could see how someone wouldn’t want anyone they don’t know that well to know anything displeasing about them. I can also see how it would make you uneasy that a stranger now has a certain disposition in the way they may or may not feel about you. I can also understand that conversations held with your significant other are held with the expectancy of complete trust and confidence.
My big beef with the whole thing is that people are always quick to say someone is in their “business” and they already have involved someone in their business, the other person.
It bewilders me when people in the public eye, especially men, cheat or do something they have no business doing then have the nerve to say the other person shouldn’t be all up in their “business.” Get a grip for one; you’re in the public eye. The only business you have is that that only involves you and only you. If you cheat on your wife and the other woman is being spiteful for whatever reason, I say tell it all girl. Then maybe some of these trifling people will keep their “business” where it should be.
Bottom-line is no one will ever have someone out of their “business.” Unless, you fell from the stars and knew of no one on this planet. But then again, you will be talked about because you aren’t from here, etc. Don’t get mad if everyone is all in your “business” because you could use that opportunity to educate someone on things they may or may not know. OR….. Drop off the face of the planet and after a while people will forget about you and your business.
For instance, if you and I do something, anything together, be it discussing sexual history or things we want to try, isn't this just as much of my business as it is yours? Or does this only apply to those in relationships? If it only applies to those in relationships is there some sacred code in place that says I shouldn’t discuss the issues of you and me?
There is something I just don’t understand about the whole concept. Now I don’t condone just walking around telling people things that you have heard or may know just because. Some things happen in private that should only EVER be shared between the two of you. There is a certain level of understanding in that fact. However, things that affect me, affect me and I have all the right to discuss them with whom I please (in a tactful way of course, no names given). Now on one hand I could see how someone wouldn’t want anyone they don’t know that well to know anything displeasing about them. I can also see how it would make you uneasy that a stranger now has a certain disposition in the way they may or may not feel about you. I can also understand that conversations held with your significant other are held with the expectancy of complete trust and confidence.
My big beef with the whole thing is that people are always quick to say someone is in their “business” and they already have involved someone in their business, the other person.
It bewilders me when people in the public eye, especially men, cheat or do something they have no business doing then have the nerve to say the other person shouldn’t be all up in their “business.” Get a grip for one; you’re in the public eye. The only business you have is that that only involves you and only you. If you cheat on your wife and the other woman is being spiteful for whatever reason, I say tell it all girl. Then maybe some of these trifling people will keep their “business” where it should be.
Bottom-line is no one will ever have someone out of their “business.” Unless, you fell from the stars and knew of no one on this planet. But then again, you will be talked about because you aren’t from here, etc. Don’t get mad if everyone is all in your “business” because you could use that opportunity to educate someone on things they may or may not know. OR….. Drop off the face of the planet and after a while people will forget about you and your business.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
In the Rain
The weather is overcast. The roads are slick with rain, oil, antifreeze and whatever else the jerk ahead of you just threw out of their window. And here you are, driving a steady pace and concentrating on the road. Then it happens...some dumb idiot drives past you doing 90mph in the rain as if it were a bright and sunny day. A funny thing happens when rain and speeding mix...its called "hydroplaning" bitch (sorry for all intensive purposes add that in there for dramatic flair).
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I hate people who do this. If you really wanna raise your car insurance and ruin your car by all means do so. I mean who really wants to get somewhere safely? Jeez, there's always a couple douche bags that will pull this mess as if visibility isn't limited enough. Maybe they have some secret about driving faster in the rain that the world should be let in on, I don't know, but it irks the heck outta me.
Driving from work today some too fast and delirious driver flies by me doing at least 100 for no freaking reason at all (about a mile or so later this arse is driving somewhat slower.,..probably spotted a cop) and changes lanes without using a signal or anything almost causing an accident.
Why can't we be patient? Is there some special feeling you get knowing the trip to the ER is going to cost you and arm and a leg (sometimes literally)? I would much rather have someone drive at snails place and make it safely, than to haul ass down the road potentially endangering the lives of other.
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I hate people who do this. If you really wanna raise your car insurance and ruin your car by all means do so. I mean who really wants to get somewhere safely? Jeez, there's always a couple douche bags that will pull this mess as if visibility isn't limited enough. Maybe they have some secret about driving faster in the rain that the world should be let in on, I don't know, but it irks the heck outta me.
Driving from work today some too fast and delirious driver flies by me doing at least 100 for no freaking reason at all (about a mile or so later this arse is driving somewhat slower.,..probably spotted a cop) and changes lanes without using a signal or anything almost causing an accident.
Why can't we be patient? Is there some special feeling you get knowing the trip to the ER is going to cost you and arm and a leg (sometimes literally)? I would much rather have someone drive at snails place and make it safely, than to haul ass down the road potentially endangering the lives of other.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Taking Me Back
Quite some time ago I kind of lost myself. I lost hold of the things that made me happy, but now I am taking them back. And more importantly I am taking me back. I can't love someone wholeheartedly if I don't love myself the same way. Its nice to do things for people as long as you aren't taken for granted. So I am gonna start by taking back my vaninja (sounds super cool). I have been inspired by a close friend to take the journey of abstinence and have been warned all too many times that the journey will be anything but easy. It is just something that I have to be strong-willed on (learning that too. She confuses things and makes things complicated so once I shut her down I can begin to get myself all the way together.)
I am taking my heart back not from love but from everything else especially pain and disappointment. Any love previously felt isn't going away but I need to focus more on loving me. Someone once asked me "what do you like" and the question which should have been relatively easy, stumped me. How could I not know what I like? How could I just float along and presumably make others happy while ignoring myself? So I am gonna start planning myself some time for myself to find and enjoy things. Who knows maybe I will find myself a hobby that will last longer than a week.
And I am most definitely taking back my emotions especially anger. I need to heal completely and stop letting old wounds reopen. I have to let some of this anger and resentment go completely. I am just going to take me back if I want to be the woman I picture me to be. I was never healed to begin with so how is it that I expect perfect happiness in my life?
I am taking my heart back not from love but from everything else especially pain and disappointment. Any love previously felt isn't going away but I need to focus more on loving me. Someone once asked me "what do you like" and the question which should have been relatively easy, stumped me. How could I not know what I like? How could I just float along and presumably make others happy while ignoring myself? So I am gonna start planning myself some time for myself to find and enjoy things. Who knows maybe I will find myself a hobby that will last longer than a week.
And I am most definitely taking back my emotions especially anger. I need to heal completely and stop letting old wounds reopen. I have to let some of this anger and resentment go completely. I am just going to take me back if I want to be the woman I picture me to be. I was never healed to begin with so how is it that I expect perfect happiness in my life?
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Guess What...You ARE NOT a Thug!
THIS IS NOT GANGSTA!
Whats with the fascination of being attempting to show they are gangsta. Newsflash, you are not. Is it really that hard to just be yourself? Everyone claims to not care what others think of them yet some go out of their way to prove themselves. WTF? I wonder if they ever walk around and ask "What do I think of myself?" Gangstas have short life spans and no 401Ks, heck they don't have insurance...who in their right mind wants that life? Its especially annoying when all of these so-called gangstas are young, hell even old black men. That is so depressing, we are constantly losing our good leaders, strong black men who are capable of doing great things but they get caught up in the bullshit and we lose them either to death or prison.
Just because you watch a couple movies and listen to some Tupac cds, then imitate what you and hear see does not, i repeat, DOES NOT make you gangsta. It makes you an idiot. You can't study for your classes in school but you can study to get a persona of ill repute. Are you kidding me? And when in the world did people , especially families think this kind of behavior is acceptable? There is a difference in a child with behavioral issues and a child with psychological issues is... wait no there isn't an issue, they need their ass beat period.
We need to go back to the 60s and 70s when you didn't mess up or try any foolishness or the neighborhood would unite with their belts and commence the ultimate ass whoopin challenge with you as the guest star. Boy I tell ya back in the days when people were concerned with the well-being of others.
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