O.W.T.O.I.W.T.N.

We’ve all heard it before, you know the saying that has been around since time began…out with the old- in with the new. And for the longest it really didn’t have a significant meaning for me. I have managed to hoard all of my report cards, academic achievements, some toys from my childhood and my sons, pictures, friends, and whatever else I deemed to have sentimental value over the past 26 or so years. I literally didn’t want to let so many things go, but when you are forced to relinquish these things, life takes on a whole new meaning.

Perfect example: I just got out of a 6 year relationship that quite honestly wasn't healthy in retrospect. I was hell bent on making this man the one for me when in all actuality, he wasn't. I was so determined to not be a “baby mama” and raise my child with both of his parents that I didn’t see what I was becoming. I had lost a lot of the joy and essence about myself and found myself in a truly unhappy place. And I was truly giving my all to someone unworthy of it. So I ultimately had to make a decision about where I wanted to be in my life and I chose alone. I was sent on a whirlwind of emotions from enraged, to mad as hell, to eventually saying forget it.

And in the process of all this madness and confusion I found a true friend. A man who wasn’t looking at me as some vulnerable woman who he could use at his discretion and throw me away as trash, but a man with integrity and a true respect for women. We started off as friends back in April and we’ve developed a wonderful foundation that I honestly only would have left as friendship foundation if I would have stayed in my prior relationship. He’s been my boyfriend a little over a month now. I have absolutely never been happier in my life. A friend of mine seen us together recently and she mentioned that I was absolutely glowing. She had never seen me so happy before and I have known her almost 3 years. That’s a testament to the dark space that I once occupied.

I thought about going back to my previous relationship during the break-up, but why? I wouldn’t gain anything from it. It would be the same routine and unhappiness that was there. It was my comfort zone, the only way I seen me staying close to my child more so anything or anyone less. But, I chose the new, not because it was new, not because I was in a rush to be in a new relationship, but because for once my head isn’t the leader in this matter. I followed my heart.

I could have found anyone on this planet, but no one gives me the feelings that I have with him. The same respect and admiration I have for him is given in return, consistently. With him I am not afraid, confused, or let down. It is pure unadulterated happiness.

So trust me when I say, that saying “Out with the Old- In with the New” has a meaning. I found mine and hope you all find yours too.

P.S.
Just because you split from the father of your child, regardless of marital status, you are not a baby mama, you are the mother of a child(ren)and that is a title no one can ever take away from you.

The Great Debate: Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Try having this discussion in a crowded room and be prepared for all hell to break lose! People yelling, looting, and talking down to anyone who disagrees with what they have to say. And this is where I usually am...right in the middle arguing with everyone around me usually throwing out some random things like "you're an idiot" and "that's just plain stupid!"

I guess I am the only one who still believes that a man and a woman can be JUST FRIENDS without them being attracted to each other. Now, granted alot of people tend to start out as friends and end up with each other, but I happen to think that they are just going with what is familiar to them and what they are comfortable with. I mean who wouldn't jump at the chance to date one of their great friends who has been there for them constantly and you already know their behavioral patterns as much as they know yours. Who wouldn't want to go with the safer choice versus the unknown?

My thing is this I have plenty of guy friends. Some, if not most, happen to be my ex-boyfriends' and we are still friends. So at one point in time we were attracted to eah other, however this is not the case now.

I have always thought that is is possible for a man and a woman to just be friends and nothing more. Why do we have to reduce everyones friendships by whether or not that person(s) attractive? And who the hell makes friends with people they only find attractive? It is humanly possible to be friends with someone because you guys enjoy the same interests.

But, as usual people have been brainwashed into thinking the xact opposite. I mean look at all the shows, books, movies, song, etc exploring friendship on another level. How many times will this crap be force fed into our brains? And it is always the same unrealistic scene that plays out...such and such has that sudden spark that makes them fall for the other person after x amount of years of friendship. Which further plays into some stereotypical bullshit and makes all relationships harder.

I am sure there are plenty of people who have been friends for years and never looked twice at each other, but then again we may never know because no one wants to bring up the positive in these relationships. No, they wanna bring out how such and such started dating his friend and how badly things turned out.

I hate when people make things into something they are not. Men and Women can be JUST FRICKIN FRIENDS!

Relationships Roles

So apparently the rest of society knows the secret roles of men and women in relationships, while I being of sound mind and completely sober have no effing clue what the hell they are.

I have had some interesting conversations with my male friends and they seem to be under the notion that their woman is supposed to know her role. Of course I asked what the hell that role was? To which they reply "You know, cater to her man...cook, clean, let me be the decision-maker, I have the final say in things, submissive, blah, blah, blah." Now that's some seriously unadulterated sexist shyt right there. And the worst part about it is that a lot of them truly believe this.

I wonder why I wasn't brainwashed like the rest of these people they meet that believe this shyt.Responsibilities, not roles, lie in all relationships and they should be shared equally. You both have the responsibility to pay bills, cook dinner, take care of the kids, be committed to one another, etc, etc...

Personally, the day I have to take on motherly responsibilities towards a grown ass man will be the day I am single. I have never wanted a man who couldn't do shyt for himself, okay well there was that one guy I liked but thats another story + I ain't do shyt for him. I don't know how people fall into these stereotypical ass relationships that seem to be straight out of the 50s.

And people need to stop half raising boys and letting them out of housework they don't deem a man's work. A real man knows how to cook food that can be digested by humans, wash his own damn clothes, and clean up after himself. People also need to teach their daughters more than this housework bullish because you aren't doing anything but creating another woman who will ultimately be dependant on a man to do shyt that she could possibly do for herself.

Why can't people just understand that there aren't any roles in a relationship?