Quite some time ago I kind of lost myself. I lost hold of the things that made me happy, but now I am taking them back. And more importantly I am taking me back. I can't love someone wholeheartedly if I don't love myself the same way. Its nice to do things for people as long as you aren't taken for granted. So I am gonna start by taking back my vaninja (sounds super cool). I have been inspired by a close friend to take the journey of abstinence and have been warned all too many times that the journey will be anything but easy. It is just something that I have to be strong-willed on (learning that too. She confuses things and makes things complicated so once I shut her down I can begin to get myself all the way together.)
I am taking my heart back not from love but from everything else especially pain and disappointment. Any love previously felt isn't going away but I need to focus more on loving me. Someone once asked me "what do you like" and the question which should have been relatively easy, stumped me. How could I not know what I like? How could I just float along and presumably make others happy while ignoring myself? So I am gonna start planning myself some time for myself to find and enjoy things. Who knows maybe I will find myself a hobby that will last longer than a week.
And I am most definitely taking back my emotions especially anger. I need to heal completely and stop letting old wounds reopen. I have to let some of this anger and resentment go completely. I am just going to take me back if I want to be the woman I picture me to be. I was never healed to begin with so how is it that I expect perfect happiness in my life?
