Guess What...You ARE NOT a Thug!

THIS IS NOT GANGSTA!





Whats with the fascination of being attempting to show they are gangsta. Newsflash, you are not. Is it really that hard to just be yourself? Everyone claims to not care what others think of them yet some go out of their way to prove themselves. WTF? I wonder if they ever walk around and ask "What do I think of myself?" Gangstas have short life spans and no 401Ks, heck they don't have insurance...who in their right mind wants that life? Its especially annoying when all of these so-called gangstas are young, hell even old black men. That is so depressing, we are constantly losing our good leaders, strong black men who are capable of doing great things but they get caught up in the bullshit and we lose them either to death or prison.

Just because you watch a couple movies and listen to some Tupac cds, then imitate what you and hear see does not, i repeat, DOES NOT make you gangsta. It makes you an idiot. You can't study for your classes in school but you can study to get a persona of ill repute. Are you kidding me? And when in the world did people , especially families think this kind of behavior is acceptable? There is a difference in a child with behavioral issues and a child with psychological issues is... wait no there isn't an issue, they need their ass beat period.

We need to go back to the 60s and 70s when you didn't mess up or try any foolishness or the neighborhood would unite with their belts and commence the ultimate ass whoopin challenge with you as the guest star. Boy I tell ya back in the days when people were concerned with the well-being of others.

Relationships: When Love Isn't Enough

Why is it that love seems so simple when you are younger? You think that it conquers all and that with it anything is possible. It is but then you mis emotions, egos, and logic from both the man and the woman and poof there goes the relationship. So why stick around if you want something more, if you crave something more? Is it because we easily fool ourselves into believing things will change for the better and that rough patches come and go? Or is it because your both too scared to start over?

The older I get the more I understand that love isn't enough and what I really want out of a man. I want romance, passion, conversation, more of the little things that show you are thinking about me. I don't want to stay in a relationship that seems to be running in place. I don't want to have to raise emotional walls again because of what you have said or done. I shouldn't have to decide if I want to share my feelings or keep them to myself because I shouldn't have to do that. I want to be sensitive, show that I have a vulnerable side, cry because I am happy or sad, but I don't have that joy. It seems like my heart went from being totally open to closing itself off again. I guess its my subconscious tell me something better change.

What I do know is that I need some time to love on myself for a change and stop offering so much of myself without any reciprocation. Not saying that I am not being loved back, just that I can't see it. I'm tired!

The College Experience...I Got Hosed!

I must have watched entirely too much of "A Different World" growing up because I was completely blindsided by the college experience. I found very few friendships worth maintaining beyond their expiration date because lets face it...everyone is not and will not be your friend. Now for a naturally friendly person imagine how I felt when I figured this crap out. I meet people and put my best foot forward in being there when they need me and never turning my back on them even when they deserve it. I never have an agenda when meeting someone because that is just lame and brings on bad karma. I try not to talk about people behind their backs and if I have and they ask me about it I let them know what I said. Its no secret so why lie about it? Lets just say I was displeased with a lot of things.

There are two parts of the college life that are suppose to exist: the social life and the student life. The social life was okay at first. Fresh in college so everyone met and alleged friendships started instantly. But then shit happens and friends disappear. I swear to Beavis that stuff is annoying. I now know why some people are loners, lol. But me being the social butterfly that I am I continue to make and lose friends like there is no tomorrow. I thought college was the place where you met and made friends for life, I made a few and I am grateful. Most of my friends are guys [chicks are spawns of everything evil, not sugar and spice like the rhyme says, most are anyways but thats another post] they rock and I love em for it. I joined every damn group on campus with the exception of like 2 and by the end of senior year I was in none, lol.

And that brings me to the student life. I took a butt load of courses that I have now deemed useless in my career...a few have been excluded but the rest were just a waste of my money. College doesn't even expose you to what the work force has to offer or at least mine didn't. I hate learning theories, teach me something thats going to make me a valuable employee and show my true potential. I studied my tail off for many things that are out dated and not even used in the workforce now. I should have taken up something useful like cheese appreciation now theres something I can use, just kidding. Oh well, hopefully Grad school will be alot better.