The older I get the more I understand that love isn't enough and what I really want out of a man. I want romance, passion, conversation, more of the little things that show you are thinking about me. I don't want to stay in a relationship that seems to be running in place. I don't want to have to raise emotional walls again because of what you have said or done. I shouldn't have to decide if I want to share my feelings or keep them to myself because I shouldn't have to do that. I want to be sensitive, show that I have a vulnerable side, cry because I am happy or sad, but I don't have that joy. It seems like my heart went from being totally open to closing itself off again. I guess its my subconscious tell me something better change.
What I do know is that I need some time to love on myself for a change and stop offering so much of myself without any reciprocation. Not saying that I am not being loved back, just that I can't see it. I'm tired!
3 comments:
Sometimes the romance and the little things go away because your life gets more complicated the older you get. Work, kids, family, and a career seem to consume your life at one point. It is very hard to balance all this in your life, but that is not an excuse you have to find time to keep your relationship fresh with new ideas and communication. Misskella84 you are correct Love is just not enough. But life always offers so many good things and there are also the bad things which take it toile on everyone. Every relationship has their own problems, it never fails. But this where each person, i.e. the Man/Woman in each relationship has to fix their own problems and stop running and not communicating. But that is easier said than done because HOPE and FAITH get lost somewhere. But it all comes down to this comment, “You just do not realize what you have until it is gone.”
You know it is true, love is not always enough. I like what this old guy told be best, "pick a spouse you can talk to and have fun with, cause in the end thats all theres gonna be". I thought wow, that kinda sux, i like to do other stuff besides talk, but its prolly very true. When we get older thats what were gonna have left, talking, holding hands, just being around our spouses/loved-ones.
I have however always questioned that if love isnt enough then where does it come from and why is it not. I can see love overcoming some of lifes obstacles, money, a new car, a nice house, but there still are necessities. One the one hand you have the essentials of life food, clothing (doesnt have to be fancy), and a place to sleep. Then on the other side of that you have ether emotional needs, to be/feel loved, to be respected, and to love back. To truly love someone is a great feeling. It really does feel better than being loved. Closing yourself off emotionally takes away one of the greatest joys in life, to love. Sharing that love without expecting anything in return is sometimes hard to do, but its not the love that suffers, its our own egos that get shattered because of our expectations. Really i hate that word, it really is a downfall in my life and i can tell it affects others in both lives and relationships. If your love is conditional than its not 'real'. And by being conditional that may be as simple as saying that since i dont feel loved right now im not going to show you i love you right now. Thats no muy bueno, and part of the problem with relationships today. People are so quick to say 'i love you' without understanding what love is (nothing new) and making rash decisions without thoroughly thinking them out. Yes I believe it is possible for someone to fall 'in love' in a few days (spending a lot of time together), but dont fool yourselves into believing that you actually know that person cause you dont. I think that love may come easy but it takes time to build and grow.
I look at love different than some, maybe most, but thats just me. I see it as a seed for a building, a magic seed if you will. Finding the seed isnt difficult (not easy either) but letting that seed flourish into a sturdy foundation takes time. After the foundation then you begin to grow it or build it up making the supports. After that then you can begin to create levels and walls (i see this as the make time for myself/adjustment phase). Then with the skeleton of the building youve just built you can begin to furnish and decorate, adorning your relationship with all the things that you both like. It takes time, understanding, compromise, and most of all communication. If you talk with one another well and are able to verbally deal with your issues, then that solves 99.9% of every problem that is in a relationship. Or let me say has the potential to solve, because i can tell you what i like or dont like, but if you dont care or dont care enough to do anything about it then it doesnt change anything, it wont work. Thats why besides communication, both parties have to want the relationship to work. And thats the tough part, because then it comes down to timing.
I think there is definitely more than one person out there for everyone; it just comes down to a matter of timing. If i like you and you dont like me, chances are ill not like you as much (human nature), but then tomorrow you like me, but i already am harboring something from yesterday, so the timing is off. What happens when you meet your 'soul mate' but there married? Obviously thats not really your sole mate. Timing is a very important factor in the making or breaking of a relationship. People that mood swing together usually do better than those that are off from there partner. Think about it, when your mad and dont wanna be bothered wouldnt it be better if your spouse was bothered with their own stuff, than you can rely on each other to feel better. But when your mad and that person is extra happy, for some reason that cheer doesnt seem to spread as well. Odd but true.
Why is love not enough? Because there are a few other key factors that need to be present in order for it to work. Communication, desire for it to work and timing must all work together. Most of all the ability to love that other person without conditions. Now with that said, there are a few conditions that can be placed on a relationship, but only those that are for health reasons, if someone is trying to hurt you, themselves, or other that is a good enough reason to roll out. Really other than that everything else should be able to be worked out. It just doesnt really seem like it because society is moving so fast now. We are really in an age where people have the attitude that if i dont like my spouse, why try and work things out, ill just go get a replacement. Sad but true. I still say that at the end of the day, if you want it to work and you have a partner that wants it to work, then make it work, ftbs*, just make it work.
**FTBS = flaberjack the ballsnot**
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