O.W.T.O.I.W.T.N.

We’ve all heard it before, you know the saying that has been around since time began…out with the old- in with the new. And for the longest it really didn’t have a significant meaning for me. I have managed to hoard all of my report cards, academic achievements, some toys from my childhood and my sons, pictures, friends, and whatever else I deemed to have sentimental value over the past 26 or so years. I literally didn’t want to let so many things go, but when you are forced to relinquish these things, life takes on a whole new meaning.

Perfect example: I just got out of a 6 year relationship that quite honestly wasn't healthy in retrospect. I was hell bent on making this man the one for me when in all actuality, he wasn't. I was so determined to not be a “baby mama” and raise my child with both of his parents that I didn’t see what I was becoming. I had lost a lot of the joy and essence about myself and found myself in a truly unhappy place. And I was truly giving my all to someone unworthy of it. So I ultimately had to make a decision about where I wanted to be in my life and I chose alone. I was sent on a whirlwind of emotions from enraged, to mad as hell, to eventually saying forget it.

And in the process of all this madness and confusion I found a true friend. A man who wasn’t looking at me as some vulnerable woman who he could use at his discretion and throw me away as trash, but a man with integrity and a true respect for women. We started off as friends back in April and we’ve developed a wonderful foundation that I honestly only would have left as friendship foundation if I would have stayed in my prior relationship. He’s been my boyfriend a little over a month now. I have absolutely never been happier in my life. A friend of mine seen us together recently and she mentioned that I was absolutely glowing. She had never seen me so happy before and I have known her almost 3 years. That’s a testament to the dark space that I once occupied.

I thought about going back to my previous relationship during the break-up, but why? I wouldn’t gain anything from it. It would be the same routine and unhappiness that was there. It was my comfort zone, the only way I seen me staying close to my child more so anything or anyone less. But, I chose the new, not because it was new, not because I was in a rush to be in a new relationship, but because for once my head isn’t the leader in this matter. I followed my heart.

I could have found anyone on this planet, but no one gives me the feelings that I have with him. The same respect and admiration I have for him is given in return, consistently. With him I am not afraid, confused, or let down. It is pure unadulterated happiness.

So trust me when I say, that saying “Out with the Old- In with the New” has a meaning. I found mine and hope you all find yours too.

P.S.
Just because you split from the father of your child, regardless of marital status, you are not a baby mama, you are the mother of a child(ren)and that is a title no one can ever take away from you.

Where The Heck Have I Been?

Sorry, I disappeared for damn near 2 years. Quite honestly I didn't want to blog about anything, let alone share it. But, now I am back and with the support of an uber awesome boyfriend and great friends I am hopping back into the blogosphere to share my opinions again.