Grinding My Gears!

You know what really grinds my gears...no this isn't like the episode of "Family Guy" where Peter goes off on these rants about what irritates me, but more of my own quirks.

The major thing that can truly get me going is the emphasis of parenting roles and responsibilities. As a mother I am by nature (allegedly) suppose to be all-nurturing of my offspring incapable of being the disciplinarian when the time presents itself. And, the father is suppose to be emotionally incapable of creating a stable emotional and nurturing bond with said offspring.

Am I the only one who sees this as a problem here? Why can't each parent be equally involved in all aspects of the child's developmental process? Who the heck said, "Hey this is the status quot and dammit I like it!" A mother if need be can provide both the emotional and disciplinary elements, but a father cannot be nurturing...WTH!

There is a certain respect I can hold for a man who has managed to maintain a sane sense of what parenting is suppose to be. A man that can be self-sufficient enough to care about the emotional state of their child's and put himself into motion into getting things done. A man that knows their has to be a checks and balances system to raise a healthy, whole-bodied child.

Parenting, is a dual-role is a job that's never done no matter how old the child may be. Sometimes it becomes a singular role with the loss of one parent. How must a child feel when Mommy provides all their emotional needs is no longer available and Dad never quite grasped the concept of what "compassion" is suppose to mean. Or when a child loses their father, is discipline suppose to stop at that point? Are they never to be corrected because the person who held the disciplinary torch has passed on?

My whole gripe with this situation is, at any moment we can lose the parent to a child. It happens everyday. And everyday families are left with de-funct ways to cope and deal with not only their major loss and heartbreak, but the balance that once was in the household.

I encourage my friends and family alike to share those roles. Don't let the other parent off so easily, try to learn some of their parenting techiniques. That way if you are unfortunate to lose the other parent, you can always go "Well, I did as best as I could. I seen your ... do this so I tried to follow in their footsteps."

O.W.T.O.I.W.T.N.

We’ve all heard it before, you know the saying that has been around since time began…out with the old- in with the new. And for the longest it really didn’t have a significant meaning for me. I have managed to hoard all of my report cards, academic achievements, some toys from my childhood and my sons, pictures, friends, and whatever else I deemed to have sentimental value over the past 26 or so years. I literally didn’t want to let so many things go, but when you are forced to relinquish these things, life takes on a whole new meaning.

Perfect example: I just got out of a 6 year relationship that quite honestly wasn't healthy in retrospect. I was hell bent on making this man the one for me when in all actuality, he wasn't. I was so determined to not be a “baby mama” and raise my child with both of his parents that I didn’t see what I was becoming. I had lost a lot of the joy and essence about myself and found myself in a truly unhappy place. And I was truly giving my all to someone unworthy of it. So I ultimately had to make a decision about where I wanted to be in my life and I chose alone. I was sent on a whirlwind of emotions from enraged, to mad as hell, to eventually saying forget it.

And in the process of all this madness and confusion I found a true friend. A man who wasn’t looking at me as some vulnerable woman who he could use at his discretion and throw me away as trash, but a man with integrity and a true respect for women. We started off as friends back in April and we’ve developed a wonderful foundation that I honestly only would have left as friendship foundation if I would have stayed in my prior relationship. He’s been my boyfriend a little over a month now. I have absolutely never been happier in my life. A friend of mine seen us together recently and she mentioned that I was absolutely glowing. She had never seen me so happy before and I have known her almost 3 years. That’s a testament to the dark space that I once occupied.

I thought about going back to my previous relationship during the break-up, but why? I wouldn’t gain anything from it. It would be the same routine and unhappiness that was there. It was my comfort zone, the only way I seen me staying close to my child more so anything or anyone less. But, I chose the new, not because it was new, not because I was in a rush to be in a new relationship, but because for once my head isn’t the leader in this matter. I followed my heart.

I could have found anyone on this planet, but no one gives me the feelings that I have with him. The same respect and admiration I have for him is given in return, consistently. With him I am not afraid, confused, or let down. It is pure unadulterated happiness.

So trust me when I say, that saying “Out with the Old- In with the New” has a meaning. I found mine and hope you all find yours too.

P.S.
Just because you split from the father of your child, regardless of marital status, you are not a baby mama, you are the mother of a child(ren)and that is a title no one can ever take away from you.

Where The Heck Have I Been?

Sorry, I disappeared for damn near 2 years. Quite honestly I didn't want to blog about anything, let alone share it. But, now I am back and with the support of an uber awesome boyfriend and great friends I am hopping back into the blogosphere to share my opinions again.